A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
