I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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