Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
