You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
