How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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