mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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