i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
