He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Come on in and take your pants off
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