yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
