So drunk its hurt
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
