She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
