TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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