Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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