You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
