I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
They have beer where we have blood.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
