i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
