the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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