so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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