On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
These tits shall not be calmed
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
