I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
