What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
