I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
