Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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