Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
