If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
