I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
