and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
