i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
