I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Houston, we have a squirter
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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