the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
