i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
