sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
