I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
