it wasn't lemon gatorade
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You have to summon your inner elephant
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
