Only a mothe r could love this liver
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
