I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
