fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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