i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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