OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
