My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
