just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Apparently you make a good broom.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
