And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
no you cant smoke seaweed
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
