So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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