You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
