its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
