I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
