fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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