i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
