My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize