eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
