i was born a porn star she said
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
