just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I want her autograph on my taint
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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