Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
