Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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