I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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