Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
