dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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