just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
