So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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