I CAN MOONWALK!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
