Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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