can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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