I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
