How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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