She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
