Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i dont even know how to be here
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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