I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
