she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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