I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
