And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
