i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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