Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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